Marriage Archives - LeeAnn G Taylor - Embracing the Mosaic Life

100 Creative Ways to Say Thank You to Your Husband

April 23, 2015 By LeeAnn G. Taylor

We all know we should show our husband how much we appreciate him, but sometimes it’s hard to remember to focus on our marriage when we’re in the throes of raising little ones.

To help you, here’s a list of 100 creative ways to tell your husband thank you for all the things he does and who he is as a husband and a father and a man around the house.

Try one or two a day and see what kind of difference it makes in the quality of your marriage. I promise, you’ll see a difference!

1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends. Make sure he has some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (Dave Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.

11. Try not to make sudden major changes around the house without discussion. Give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. The first minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. Try to make that time a positive experience. Ease into the negative.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.

21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to achieve together to feel closer as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. This energizes him to reconnect at other times.
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).

31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is. Give him specific reasons.
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he want to connect with you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.

41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. “Look straight into the eyes of your husband when he talks to you or if you’re speaking to him. This will make him feel that you are interested in what he wants to say.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him (you can go back to bed afterward, if possible —it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie and such) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.

51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. You’d be surprised how effective this is!
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him—let him sleep in, bring him coffee, etc.

61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex on a regular basis. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. Don’t be more kind to strangers than to him.

71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).

81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff.
83. Put effort into keeping yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him his favorite homemade soup when he’s sick.

91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the kids.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.

Author of this list unknown. Also published on Marriage Missions International, a Christian marriage site dedicated to enriching marriages.

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Parenting With Purpose: Day 12 – Focus On Your Marriage

October 15, 2014 By LeeAnn G. Taylor

Today for our Parenting With Purpose Series, I’m sharing a guest post from my church-planting pastor turned life coach husband, Chuck.

His gift is sharing insight and wisdom with those traveling the faith journey. He’s passionate about working with individuals and couples to help them live out their God-given potential in their personal lives and in their marriages and I hope what he shares with you today is a blessing to your life!

{If you’re a single parent, I’ll be sharing a guest post from a single mom “on the other side” of parenting soon just for you!}

The secret sauce to rearing great children of faith comes with something as simple as investing in your own marriage.

I took inventory of my peers who have a deep faith and I noticed this trend. As a pastor of almost 20 years I have spent most of my time working with teens. In that time I learned one central truth about parenting.

Parents who intentionally work on having a strong marriage tend towards rearing kids with their own deep personal faith.

It seems that when a child doesn’t have to worry with the stability of their parent’s marriage they can focus on the larger questions of life that impact their relationship with God.

This is surprising even in homes where the parents don’t attend church but the teenagers do. It seems that when children see their parents devote themselves to the service of someone other than self, they see a commitment to personalize that in their own walk with God.

As a pastor who performs marriages, I require that all my couples listen to my first pre-marital counseling session online “God’s Plan for Marriage.” In it I discuss what God intended marriage to be and how things got messed up fairly quickly. One of the passages I use in the session and in most of my weddings comes from Ephesians 5.

It this passage Paul tells husbands and wives to mirror their relationship to that of Christ and his bride, the church. Listen to what Paul asks of wives:

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of His wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of His body, the church (Eph. 5:22-23).”

As I humorously tell my brides, “all you are required to do as a wife is to willingly choose to do for your husband whatever he asks, just as if Jesus Christ himself asked you to do so.” Of course, most wives give me one of their famous whiskey tango foxtrot looks. But I say, wait, wait, wait! We haven’t gotten to the men yet.

To husbands, Paul says:

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church… In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself (Eph. 5:25 & 28).”

To the men I say, “your responsibility is to wake up every morning and begin serving your wife in any possible way that you would care for your own needs.”

You see, Jesus didn’t just die for us, he gave up every conceivable comfort in heaven to live a destitute, hard and selfless existence for the benefit of others. When husbands model the attitude of selfless concern for their wives, they also inaudibly teach their children a most valuable attitude of being, “life ain’t all about you kiddo!”

Imagine a home where children witness their parents serving one another daily.

In my experience watching their parents serve one another daily teaches children how to be wise, caring, humble and secure people. Children don’t need parents who focus solely on their needs. To do so risks making the children feel too important – it’s called “loving your child too much.”

Instead, children need a model of selflessness to follow. In an attempt to become more independent they will follow the example presented to them, and become the adults leaders this world so desperately needs.

Here is my action step for you this week. Whether your spouse willingly participates or not, read Philippians 2:3-4 and do the following for your spouse:

1. Don’t be selfish with your time, energy, or focus.
2. Don’t try to impress your spouse. Just serve him or her willingly.
3. Think of him or her as better than yourself.
4. Think about what they might want and then do or give that to them.

If this list seems especially hard for you, then you are the perfect candidate for it! Just give it a try for a week and watch what God will do.

Notice that when Jesus did this for us it was God who lifted Him up. Like Jesus, God will raise your kids up to new heights when you model an unusual love for others.

The secret sauce to raising great children of faith is a strong #marriage. @pastoral_coach

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Looking for more ideas and resources for Parenting With Purpose as you create a God-centered home? You can find the whole series here.

Sharing with Wedded Wednesday, Works for Me Wednesday, Wholehearted Home, and Coffee and Conversation.

Billy Graham’s Wife’s Secret to a Happy Marriage

August 24, 2014 By LeeAnn G. Taylor

photo credit: Keoni Cabral via photopin cc

The four of us piled in our blue 10-year old mini-van and settled in for the 20 minute drive home.

The day had been a long one, filled with the kind of relationship-building and memory-making our family relishes.

photo credit: rafael-castillo via photopin cc

A big Saturday morning breakfast as a family, a birthday party for the daughter of a couple we adore, an extended family cookout including swimming for the littles, a baby shower for my cousin, and another birthday party cookout for the daughter of a set of dear friends that included three pregnant mammas and 8 kiddos under the age of 8 resulted in an incredibly full day.

After three meals of hot dogs and three servings of celebratory cake in the span of eight hours, we were all sugared up and wired but exhausted from all the fun.

And that’s when I made a critical mistake. I started talking about our family finances.

I know, I know. Bad move.

I should know now not to bring up finances when we’re already physically at the end of our rope for the day, but I had some new information about a financial situation surrounding our health insurance that I had forgotten to share with my husband and felt like we needed to discuss. Right then.

But in a span of minutes, our demeanors morphed from cheerful to irritated as a result of a string of misunderstood comments and ill-placed assumptions.

photo credit: miriam.v via photopin cc

For a moment, I felt like the day was ruined. A whole day of wonderful family memories, spoiled by a few minutes of frustrated conversation over a situation neither of us have any control over. What a shame.

Instead, we remembered Billy Graham’s wife’s secret to a happy marriage. And took action.

“A happy marriage is the union of two great forgivers.” – Ruth Bell Graham

photo credit: quantumlars via photopin cc

“A happy marriage is the union of two great forgivers.” – Ruth Bell Graham

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We took decisive action to change our perspective on the conversation, realizing both of us were depleted from the long day and deciding to come back to the topic when we were both fresh and able to communicate more clearly.

It took us choosing to forgive each others’ poor attitudes and snide remarks for the evening to be spared.

Next time you are frustrated with your spouse’s or a friend’s faults, remember the Bible’s clear direction on how to handle these situations.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:13 (NLT)

Ruth Bell Graham had it right. Both for marriages and for great friendships.

Today, as you interact with your spouse, friends, and family, remember to make allowance for faults and be quick to forgive. It might just be your “secret weapon” for relationship success!

Do you have any tips to share on forgiving? What other relational “tools” do you have in your toolbox to foster healthy relationships? Share in the comments.

Also, “Making Room for Forgiveness” is one of 10 practices Bill Hybel discusses in his new book Simplify: Ten Practices to Unclutter Your Soul. I’ll be sharing more about this book soon because I’ve grown so much from working through the ten practices & I’m confident you will too. {I received a review copy from Tyndale & link is an affiliate link.}

Sharing with Mommy Monday.

3 Keys to a Rock Solid Marriage

February 12, 2014 By LeeAnn G. Taylor

Update: While Valentine’s Day is over, these keys to a rock solid marriage are things we can focus on all year long! Not married? Check out my post: Leaving Doubt Behind & Choosing to Trust.

Are you ready for Valentine’s Day? Maybe you’ve made reservations for dinner, arranged childcare, and picked out the perfect card.

But have you really prepared to honor your relationship on a deeper level?

It’s easy to get caught up in the flair of Valentine’s Day with the flurry of red and white hearts that now start appearing in stores the day after Christmas.

What if this year, instead of focusing on pink decorations, good food, and the perfect gift, we determined to really prepare our hearts to use Valentine’s Day as a type of “reset” button for our marriages after the whirlwind of holidays the end of the year brings.

Beyond anything, preparation is the key to success.

Before anything else, preparation is the key to success. Alexander Graham Bell – photo credit

If preparation is truly the key to success, let’s jump in! Taking some time to be intentional about setting our marriages up for success is the first way to show our spouses love.

Every marriage has three key areas that need some TLC on a regular basis to keep the marriage relationship thriving, not just surviving. They are:

Communication
Finances
Physical Intimacy

If we’ll set aside some time to focus on each area as Valentine’s Day approaches, our preparation will set the stage for a richer relationship for the rest of the year.

photo credit: splityarn via photopin cc

Communication

If I had to choose one reason why marriages thrive or struggle, this would be it. Communication affects everything!

My husband and I are about as opposite as they come. No joke – on the Meyers Briggs Personality Assessment, we’re completely opposite on every. single. letter. According to a book about personalities and relationships, this means our marriage is destined for struggles…unless we communicate well.

There’s so much to say about cultivating strong communication skills in your marriage, but for today, I’m going to focus on one practical resource that will give you a jump start on understanding your spouse and learning how to best communicate your love to him or her.

What is your Love Language?

The book 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts has sold over 8 million (MILLION!) copies. It was one of the first books Chuck and I read together as a couple and it opened our eyes in so many ways to understanding how we’re uniquely designed. It taught us to recognize and appreciate our differences and leverage them to create the best marriage possible. We learned how important it is for the strengthening of our marriage to be a lifelong pursuit, one that can be purposeful and fun for both of us!

So as you prepare for Valentine’s Day, choose to take one small step toward improved communication. Here are a few ideas:

1. Take the free assessment online to discover your love language

2. Buy the 5 Love Languages book (and read it!)

3. Ask your spouse what makes him or her feel loved. Listen to the answer and take action!

photo credit: kenteegardin via photopin cc

Finances

The second key area to building a successful marriage is getting (and staying!) on the same page about money with your spouse.

This study from 2012 determined that financial disagreements are the biggest predictor of divorce. Now this doesn’t mean that we can’t disagree about money, but it does shed some light on the importance of communicating about how we spend, save, and give our hard earned dollars.

As we prepare for Valentine’s Day, one way we can strengthen our marriages is to review your budget {you DO have one, right?}.

I know, B.U.D.G.E.T. can sometimes be a scary word, but let me tell you – coming from someone who cried every month on the 15th of the month during the first few years of our marriage because I thought we weren’t going to have enough money to pay the bills, having a budget = FREEDOM.

Instead of wondering whether or not the money will stretch until the end of the month, you have a plan and a purpose for each dollar. It makes all the difference in the world!

photo credit: kenteegardin via photopin cc

For us, the answer to our budgeting fears came in the form of a class at church called Financial Peace University. Along with a group of other like-minded couples {also in debt and arguing about money every month}, we worked through 13 weeks of videos and discussions with concrete action steps.

The program has now been shortened to 9 weeks and is available online, in person, or through a home study. From personal experience, the accountability that comes from an in person group works wonders toward keeping you on track, but any choice that helps you start using a budget that works will start you on that journey to freedom!

So commit to taking at least one action this Valentine’s Day toward strengthening your marriage in the area of finances.

While everyone’s situation is different, here are some ideas that worked for us:

1. Have a conversation about your current financial state with your spouse. Make sure you both have eaten and are not tired. Hungry+tired+money conversation=bad idea! {ask me how I know…}

So rest, eat, and pray first – then start the conversation. Determine ahead of time not to argue, just to get on the same page about where you are currently and dream about where you’d like to be.

2. Check out the Dave Ramsey baby steps on how to get out of debt and live financially free.

3. Ready to commit to making financial freedom a priority in your marriage? Click on the Class Finder and sign up for a Financial Peace University class. It may be the best decision you ever make for the health of your marriage!

photo credit: Sean Molin Photography via photopin cc

Physical Intimacy

There was a time early in my marriage when I told my husband that if I never had sex again, it would be fine with me. I wasn’t being vindictive, just honest.

Ya’ll.

Apparently I wasn’t doing it right.

{embarrassed giggles}

Since then we have committed to make physical intimacy (not just sex) a priority in our marriage.

The things you focus on improve. The things you ignore get worse.

And sex is something that the world is 100% fine with talking about in every capacity in every media outlet there is…yet as Christian married couples, we hardly ever dare to broach the subject with our own spouse, much less other Christian married couples.

It’s time to break the silence and make physical intimacy a priority.

Sex is a byproduct of a good marriage. It’s a gift God gives us as a way of expressing our true love for one another, a reward for loving each other with excellence in all the other areas of our relationship.

If you’re skeptical about this one, I challenge you to read Song of Solomon. It’s clear God values and celebrates the physical relationship, desire, and passion that he created within us for our spouse.

As you prepare to celebrate Valentine’s Day and set your marriage up for lasting success, here are three resources to help you give the physical intimacy aspect of your marriage the attention it needs and deserves:

1. Tune in to the ONE Extraordinary Marriage podcast (an online radio show). Hosted by Tony & Alisa DiLorenzo, there are over 200 episodes of FREE content available for your listening pleasure. Just download onto your phone, computer, or other device and listen in for extremely practical tips on physical intimacy from a Christian couple’s perspective.

For a more in-depth look at physical intimacy, check out their book: Stripped Down: 13 Keys to Unlocking Intimacy in Your Marriage [available in PDF, paperback, and as an audiobook].

2. Sometimes if talking about sex in your marriage has been a challenge in the past, you need something to get the conversation started.

My husband Chuck is a pastoral life coach specializing in pre-marital counseling, relationship life coaching, and spiritual direction. As a function of his business, Sage Garden Care Center, he and I are offering a workshop designed specifically to get you and your spouse talking about how to build intimacy that leads to a stronger physical relationship.

If you’ve struggled with knowing how to start a conversation about sex with your spouse or you want to hear from a real life Christian couple who has experienced struggles, challenges, and failures too, this webinar is for you!

The webinar will be held Sunday, February 16, 2014 at 9:00pm EST. All you need to be able to participate is a phone line. If you’re not able to make the live call, you will receive access to the recording after the event. To sign up or for more information, check out the sign up page for 5 Essentials to Re-Igniting the Sexual Spark in Your Marriage or click the graphic below.

UPDATE: The re-play of the webinar is now available. Just sign up & you will receive access to the webinar recording electronically or you may call in to listen if you prefer. You’ll also receive a 4 page resource guide packed with links to hundreds of hours of content and pages of information specifically on the topic of physical intimacy within the Christian marriage.

essentials to re-igniting the sexual spark in your marriage

So let’s recap…

To prep your marriage for a stellar Valentine’s Day and beyond, focus on these 3 keys to a rock solid marriage:

1. Communication

2. Finances

3. Physical Intimacy

Make these three areas a priority in your marriage and you are well on your way to building a marriage with a strong, rock solid base that can help you weather the more challenging times. God will honor your efforts and bless you with a deeper love for one another!

Please share your best “keep your marriage strong” tip in the comments so we can all benefit from one another’s wisdom!

Also, if you think this post will benefit someone you know, please use the social media buttons at the top of the post to share it.

Blessings for a wonderful Valentine’s Day and a stronger marriage!

Sharing with Works for Me Wednesday, Whole Hearted Wednesdays, Wedded Wednesday, Whimsical Wednesday, Wifey Wednesday, What to Read Wednesday, and Family Fun Friday. This post contains affiliate links {full disclosure}.

Finding the Hero in Your Husband

January 31, 2014 By LeeAnn G. Taylor

It was late, and I’d been up most of the night cleaning up our daughter after multiple episodes of the results of a ravaging stomach bug.

This time, it was my turn.

I heard him coming. Big heavy steps down the hallway. Unassuming, he walked into our bedroom ready to turn in for the night after a long day at work.

What he heard, saw, and smelled should have made him turn back around but instead, he came right to my side.

My husband, my hero.

It was an awful evening that, before it ended, included another round of the ravaging stomach bug for both myself and our 4 year old.

And yet, he didn’t complain. Not once. He just served, just like Jesus.

—-

A week or so ago I found myself chatting with co-workers about our husbands. I immediately praised my husband Chuck, grateful for all he does for our family, how wonderful he is with our children, and how committed he is to making our marriage one of the great ones. I was floored when I was met with rolling eyes!

Not everyone views their husband as their hero. Maybe that is part of the problem.

How do you feel when someone believes in you? Supported, valued, loved, and ready to face the world!

This is the same for our husbands. When we speak life into their lives, letting them know we believe in them and know they can change the world, we elevate them to hero status. Not because of what they do first for us, but because of what we are empowering them to be – the best version of themselves.

When we speak life into our husbands, we elevate them to hero status.

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Take a minute to identify one way you can praise your husband today – to him directly or in front of others. Watch how God softens your heart to see the hero qualities He has placed in him!

*This post is part of Lisa-Jo Baker’s 5 Minute Friday series, where she empowers bloggers to write for 5 minutes each Friday on a specific topic. Free writing. No edits. Writing just for the sheer joy of it. Today’s topic was “Hero“. Also sharing with Beauty Observed, Fellowship Fridays, Heart-Filled Fridays, Faith-Filled Friday, Family Fun Friday, Essential Fridays, Mommy Monday Blog Hop, Fridays Unfolded, Make My Saturday Sweet, Recommendation Saturday, Saturday Sharefest, What to Read Wednesday, and The Coupon Chronicles.