Are there days you question everything? Well, maybe not everything, but do you question whether or not you have any idea what you’re doing at this thing called life?
Oh wait, maybe that IS questioning everything…
Well, that’s me sometimes. So many questions swirl around in my head. At times the doubts become a tornado of thoughts that spin completely out of control. And I wonder.
Am I a good enough wife?
Am I a good enough parent?
Am I a good enough daughter/sister?
Am I a good enough friend/coworker?
My husband says I can be overly critical of myself. In reflecting on his observation, I’m learning I have a tendency to set expectations that are too high for myself. I doubt my own ability to become the best version of myself I’ve created in my mind. I forget on a regular basis to give myself grace.
In reality, I think what’s really happening is I’m trying to rely on myself.
In the past I’ve felt that somehow I should have already “arrived” at the strong relationship with God I’m seeking. I should already know the perfect thing to say to my 2 year old in the middle of the fifth tantrum of the day that will point him to Jesus. I should already know how to be the thoughtful and generous friend I desire to be. I should already have the perfect morning quiet time I’ve imagined a hundred times in my head.
I should, I should, I should.
All the expectations I have of myself can be crippling!
I know dwelling on “shoulds” and my own doubts is not particularly beneficial nor productive. Instead of focusing on the destination (the “I’ve arrived!” moments), I’m learning to find God in the seeking.
And so, instead of looking toward myself for the answers when I feel like I just don’t measure up to my own unattainable standards, I’m looking to the Truth instead.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ~ Jeremiah 29:13
Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. ~ Matthew 7:7-12
I read these words and my soul feels a little more rest, just a little more at peace. The answer is right in front of me. I just need to know Him.
I’m learning that it’s a process. I need to keep on asking and seeking before I will find what I’m looking for.
And as I continue to feast on the bread of Truth, I will find Him in the seeking.
It is my prayer for you that you too find God in the seeking. I pray that together we learn to lay down our self-reliant, self-sufficient mindsets and remember who gives us life and breath to begin with. May today’s Worship Wednesday song remind us of how desperately we all need Him.
Oh How I Need You
Lord I find You in the seeking
Lord I find You in the doubt
And to know You is to love You
And to know so little else
I need You
Oh how I need You
Oh how I need You
Oh how I need You
Lord I find You in the morning
Lord I seek You everyday
Let my life be for Your glory
Woven in your threads of grace
Light glorious light
I will go where You shine
Break the dawn
Crack the skies
Make the way bright before me
Performed by All Sons and Daughters.
Victoria Easter Wilson says
One of my favorite quotes is “For every look at your sin, take ten looks at Christ.” I think that’s very much in line with what you have here. We MUST look, seek, outside of ourselves for purpose and fulfillment. We must seek the Lord! Great encouragements.
LeeAnn G. Taylor says
What a great quote. Thanks for sharing! Excellent reminder for sure.