LeeAnn G Taylor - Embracing the Mosaic Life

Trusting our broken pieces to the Ultimate Artist

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I Need You: A Challenge to Radically Trust God

July 16, 2014 By LeeAnn G. Taylor

At midnight last night my husband Chuck quietly arrived in our bedroom after a long day of work. He scooped up our 5 year old, who had managed to snuggle up next to me close enough that I had just a sliver of our king sized bed to myself, and he deposited her back into her bed.

As usual, as he was getting ready for bed I asked about the highlights of his day because, let’s be honest, what else am I going to remember at midnight about his day? Midnight, especially for a pregnant momma just awoken from a deep sleep, is not the time to be having deep conversations.

Except that last night, we did.

In the middle of sharing his daily highlights, he remembered a text he got from me yesterday:

“Can we have another money conversation? I need some help talking out a mindset & cash flow change please.” 

So, at midnight last night Chuck and I had one of “those talks.” Dave Ramsey calls them “budget committee meetings” and I call them frustrating.

In our house, I’m the saver and Chuck’s the spender, meaning I do the budget and pay the bills and pay attention to all things money, then we talk once a month about how we’re doing. Except that lately, there’s not been much to talk about. It’s the same thing every month.

The budget doesn’t balance. We use the credit card to “float” gas, groceries, and other expenses not otherwise drafted from our account. We try to pay it off each month. And we pray God provides to cover the gap and any unexpected expenses.

Because it’s been like this for at least 18 months or longer, we don’t have much to talk about in our budget meetings. But around the 15th of the month (not coincidentally my payday) I at least am looking at the expenses and trying to figure out if we can pay what we charged on the credit card that month and whether or not by some miracle (literally) we are able to pay on the balance we’re still carrying from 2013.

This is why budget meetings frustrate me. It feels like we’re stuck. We have dreams of financial freedom & of opportunities to serve and bless others in big ways.

Chuck’s business is doing well, but at this point, it’s just paying for itself. I got a promotion and a raise at the beginning of the year, but it’s still not enough to make the budget balance. I even got a side job working as a virtual assistant at night a few hours a week and that has helped some. But in the end, the amount coming in doesn’t match the amount scheduled to come out. It’s a frustrating place to be.

budget

photo credit: kenteegardin via photopin cc

So back to the mindset change I mentioned. For months and months our plan of action has been the same.

  • Get paid.
  • Tithe.
  • Pay autodrafts with checking account.
  • Use credit card to “float” other expenses.
  • REPEAT.

Through it all, Chuck has challenged me to trust God on his promise to provide:

“My God will meet your every need out of his riches in the glory that is found in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

My God will meet your every need out of his riches in the glory that is found in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

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Over and over again I have seen proof of God’s faithfulness. The stories of blessings we have received at just the right time are numerous. But through it all, my heart has not been quite right. Yes, I’ve grown in trusting God to provide for our needs, but in the back of my mind, there was always the “safety net” of the credit card, floating along our expenses for a few weeks until I got paid again. As a result, I’ve not been trusting Him fully. 

And so, our midnight talk last night involved me trying to explain the math to Chuck while laying in the bed instead of showing him on the computer (bad move on my part…he’s a visual guy) and then sharing my heart about needing to trust God fully…meaning no more credit card.

Dave Ramsey would be proud!

Practically, this will mean those expenses we put on the credit card for this past month won’t get paid and we’ll instead start only using my income for all expenses starting tomorrow.

No more floating. No more trusting in a piece of plastic instead of the God who created me. 

Instead, I will hold onto this:

Proverbs 3:5-6 (CEB)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    don’t rely on your own intelligence.
Know him in all your paths,
    and he will keep your ways straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord

photo credit: duncan via photopin cc

God says he will provide for our needs and TELLS me not to use my own intelligence. The credit card? Yep, that’s using my own intelligence. 

Instead of spending my time using my own intelligence to try to “figure things out” with our budget, maybe I’d be more successful if I obeyed His word and instead trusted in HIM with all my heart.

This next month, I’ll be focusing on knowing Him in ALL my paths and trusting that the path before our family will be kept straight.

My job? Trust Him.

His job? Provide for our needs.

So here it goes. I’m jumping all in. No more credit card. No more relying on me.

As seems appropriate, I’m sharing this song for Worship Wednesday:

Lord, I Need You – written by Matt Maher and performed by Kristian Stanfill

If you’re reading in an email, click here to view the video. The 3 minutes you spend allowing this message to resonate in your heart will transform your day. Promise.

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You’re my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Sharing this post at Three Word Wednesday {Simply Beth}, Wedded Wednesday, Wholehearted Home, Coffee for Your Heart, #TellHisStory, Works for Me Wednesday, and Recommendation Saturday.

What about you? Are you struggling to trust God in all things like me?

Share in the comments so we can encourage one another or if you feel more comfortable, email me at contact(at)leeanngtaylor(dot)com. I’d love to hear your story and pray for you as we journey together in learning to trust God more.

 

The Solution to the Ultimate Joy-Stealer

March 21, 2014 By LeeAnn G. Taylor

Last night marked a milestone in our family as we poured through mounds of paperwork at my daughter’s kindergarten registration night.

My Facebook status read, “How is it even possible that I will be attending kindergarten registration tonight? Someone please tell me where 5 years went…” IMG-5337

The time passed just like all time passes, second by second, moment by moment.

While the years seem to fly by, I’m trying desperately to remember to live in the moment. Lots of tiny glimpses of the daily happenings piled up in a heap turn into the days, weeks, months, and years of my life. And I try so desperately to make the little moments matter.

Some days, it’s beautiful. The moments look like building towers on the floor with the little ones, snuggling on the couch watching Elmo lullaby videos on You Tube, cutting strawberries and marveling at all the seeds, and reading books and books and more books before bed.

But other days it’s a struggle. The little moments of these days have snapshots like an entire box of Kix cereal spilled all over the living room floor, a feverish baby recovering from surgery fighting his dose of medication, crying to my husband because I don’t know how the budget is going to work this month, and falling asleep exhausted on the couch with my laptop (again) with too many to-do list items and not enough time or energy to complete them.

photo credit: mliu92 via photopin cc

photo credit: mliu92 via photopin cc

In reality, most days are made up of a crazy combination of ‘beautiful’ and ‘struggle’ moments.

Ok, let’s be really real. Sometimes it’s all a struggle and I worry and stress and fret and busy myself with tasks but forget to offer up all my cares and concerns up to the only One who has any power to change anything about anything. Yet in the middle of my mess, God meets me where I am as I seek Him daily. 

Lately, my morning quiet time has been more focused on how much I can accomplish on my to do list instead of sitting and soaking up God’s presence in these precious quiet early moments of the day. When it happens, my Bible study has been reduced to browsing through one chapter of Proverbs a day and cracking open the daily devotional Jesus Calling. Slowly but surely, I’m also working my way through Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts.

While it’s definitely leaps and bounds from where I’ve been in the past with my quiet time (non-existent for many years), the time is often not spent in the deep reflection and study that I know will grow my relationship with God in the way I desire.

Jesus Calling devotional

photo credit

Even though I’ve not been offering my whole self to my Creator, his grace is so evident to me as he meets me where I am in my weakness and fills me with His truth. He takes the small things I offer (think fishes and loaves) and turns it into provision for my life. This morning I have been filled again with his gracious and tender love, an example of how deeply He cares for me in the midst of my chaos, turning it right back into order – His order.

It’s Friday and today’s Five Minute Friday writing prompt from Lisa-Jo Baker is “joy”. I love the community of the #fmfparty women on Twitter each Thursday night and I stayed up late last night waiting for the prompt so I could join in with my words and share our hearts together through our writing. The prompt was posted around 11pm and instead of writing, I laid my head down to “rest” for a moment and woke up 30 minutes later to my husband walking in the door late from work. Foggy-headed and discouraged that I stayed up so late yet couldn’t manage to type out a few words for 5 minutes, I closed my laptop and crawled into bed.

This morning, after a long week of brain-draining training at work, a cranky toddler recovering from surgery, anxiety over finances, and the monthly hormonal swings that leave me snapping at my husband, I just wasn’t sure if there were any impactful words in my heart for me to share around the prompt of “joy”. Enter God’s grace and his provision (as always!). I opened up my journal to where I’ve been taking notes as I read through One Thousand Gifts and saw this quote:

Stress isn’t only a joy stealer. The way we respond to it can be sin.” And then more: “I can’t fill with joy until I learn to trust.”

Knowing this was God speaking truth into my life in the midst of my quite stressful week, I turned to my other morning staple, the Jesus Calling devotional, and read these words on the page for March 21:

Trust Me and don’t be afraid, for I am your Strength and Song…I want you to share My Joy, living in conscious awareness of My Presence.”

And there it was. My answer to the joy-struggle.

trust tiles

Trust.

Trust that God is working all things to the good as I seek Him daily. Trust that He will provide in the ways that our family needs it. Trust that this overwhelming season at work will resolve soon. I must practice trusting God. It is not enough just to believe He exists.

Remember, even the demons believe! But it’s my job to trust and then, only then, will my heart fill with joy as I am grateful for his love and provision in my life. Is it easy? Oh, surely not. Trust is a process and part of why I think we’re told in God’s word to “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” The verse continues by reminding us, “for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” (Phillipians 2:12-13)

We offer up our lives as a living sacrifice, trusting him with each tiny choice we make instead of dwelling on the daily pressures and struggles.

Stress is a joy-stealer. Don’t let the constant dwelling on the worries of the world steal your joy like I’ve been letting it steal mine.

Instead, embrace the answer to this joy-struggle and trust God in the midst of the fears of the unknown.

joy stealer

photo credit: manumagalhaes via photopin cc

Remember with me that trying to control all the variables of your life only leads to more fear and uncertainty. Instead, let’s focus on God’s truths and seek him as we trust him with our lives – not just once for our salvation, but daily, moment by moment.

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.” With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. Isaiah 12:2-3

*This post is part of Lisa-Jo Baker’s 5 Minute Friday series, where she empowers bloggers to write for 5 minutes each Friday on a specific topic. Free writing. Writing just for the sheer joy of it. Today’s topic was “Joy“. While this post was not written in the usual 5 minutes, it was what was on my heart today to share after a week of quiet here on the blog. I’m also linking up with Essential Fridays, Fridays Unfolded, Sunday Share, and The Weekend Brew. This post contains affiliate links {full disclosure}. 

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