At midnight last night my husband Chuck quietly arrived in our bedroom after a long day of work. He scooped up our 5 year old, who had managed to snuggle up next to me close enough that I had just a sliver of our king sized bed to myself, and he deposited her back into her bed.
As usual, as he was getting ready for bed I asked about the highlights of his day because, let’s be honest, what else am I going to remember at midnight about his day? Midnight, especially for a pregnant momma just awoken from a deep sleep, is not the time to be having deep conversations.
Except that last night, we did.
In the middle of sharing his daily highlights, he remembered a text he got from me yesterday:
“Can we have another money conversation? I need some help talking out a mindset & cash flow change please.”
So, at midnight last night Chuck and I had one of “those talks.” Dave Ramsey calls them “budget committee meetings” and I call them frustrating.
In our house, I’m the saver and Chuck’s the spender, meaning I do the budget and pay the bills and pay attention to all things money, then we talk once a month about how we’re doing. Except that lately, there’s not been much to talk about. It’s the same thing every month.
The budget doesn’t balance. We use the credit card to “float” gas, groceries, and other expenses not otherwise drafted from our account. We try to pay it off each month. And we pray God provides to cover the gap and any unexpected expenses.
Because it’s been like this for at least 18 months or longer, we don’t have much to talk about in our budget meetings. But around the 15th of the month (not coincidentally my payday) I at least am looking at the expenses and trying to figure out if we can pay what we charged on the credit card that month and whether or not by some miracle (literally) we are able to pay on the balance we’re still carrying from 2013.
This is why budget meetings frustrate me. It feels like we’re stuck. We have dreams of financial freedom & of opportunities to serve and bless others in big ways.
Chuck’s business is doing well, but at this point, it’s just paying for itself. I got a promotion and a raise at the beginning of the year, but it’s still not enough to make the budget balance. I even got a side job working as a virtual assistant at night a few hours a week and that has helped some. But in the end, the amount coming in doesn’t match the amount scheduled to come out. It’s a frustrating place to be.
photo credit: kenteegardin via photopin cc
So back to the mindset change I mentioned. For months and months our plan of action has been the same.
- Get paid.
- Tithe.
- Pay autodrafts with checking account.
- Use credit card to “float” other expenses.
- REPEAT.
Through it all, Chuck has challenged me to trust God on his promise to provide:
“My God will meet your every need out of his riches in the glory that is found in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
Over and over again I have seen proof of God’s faithfulness. The stories of blessings we have received at just the right time are numerous. But through it all, my heart has not been quite right. Yes, I’ve grown in trusting God to provide for our needs, but in the back of my mind, there was always the “safety net” of the credit card, floating along our expenses for a few weeks until I got paid again. As a result, I’ve not been trusting Him fully.
And so, our midnight talk last night involved me trying to explain the math to Chuck while laying in the bed instead of showing him on the computer (bad move on my part…he’s a visual guy) and then sharing my heart about needing to trust God fully…meaning no more credit card.
Dave Ramsey would be proud!
Practically, this will mean those expenses we put on the credit card for this past month won’t get paid and we’ll instead start only using my income for all expenses starting tomorrow.
No more floating. No more trusting in a piece of plastic instead of the God who created me.
Instead, I will hold onto this:
Proverbs 3:5-6 (CEB)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
don’t rely on your own intelligence.
Know him in all your paths,
and he will keep your ways straight.
God says he will provide for our needs and TELLS me not to use my own intelligence. The credit card? Yep, that’s using my own intelligence.
Instead of spending my time using my own intelligence to try to “figure things out” with our budget, maybe I’d be more successful if I obeyed His word and instead trusted in HIM with all my heart.
This next month, I’ll be focusing on knowing Him in ALL my paths and trusting that the path before our family will be kept straight.
My job? Trust Him.
His job? Provide for our needs.
So here it goes. I’m jumping all in. No more credit card. No more relying on me.
As seems appropriate, I’m sharing this song for Worship Wednesday:
Lord, I Need You – written by Matt Maher and performed by Kristian Stanfill
If you’re reading in an email, click here to view the video. The 3 minutes you spend allowing this message to resonate in your heart will transform your day. Promise.
Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the One that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
You’re my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Sharing this post at Three Word Wednesday {Simply Beth}, Wedded Wednesday, Wholehearted Home, Coffee for Your Heart, #TellHisStory, Works for Me Wednesday, and Recommendation Saturday.
What about you? Are you struggling to trust God in all things like me?
Share in the comments so we can encourage one another or if you feel more comfortable, email me at contact(at)leeanngtaylor(dot)com. I’d love to hear your story and pray for you as we journey together in learning to trust God more.
I love your honesty and your willing heart. This is beautifully written and so encouraging…Thank you for taking this common, ordinary part of life and inviting God there. Loved your post!
Karen, thanks so much for stopping by. Yes, sometimes I see God in the common, ordinary parts more than anything!
Yes, I’m right here with you, LeeAnn! And taking Dave’s class has been enlightening and challenging…and cutting up the cards has, too! :O But I know it’s what God wants. Me to trust HIM, not that plastic card, just like you say. I’m holding your hand and we are doing this together!
Love that you’re going through the Dave Ramsey class and that we’re doing this together! We took the DR class years ago and have been leaders for classes for teens and adults but sometimes the message doesn’t 100% sink in immediately… Praying his message is as life changing for you as it was for us and that we can all continue to grow in trusting God to provide for our needs.
Okay, so now you’ve just gone to meddlin’!! 🙂 I have a big expense coming up and have been fretting over and considering all kinds of options to pay for it. You have encouraged me to stop considering what I can do and give God time and space to work in this need. Thank you for your trust in our Father and for encouraging us to do the same. Much love to you, sweet friend!
Too funny Holly! Seems like God is growing a lot of us in this area. It’s so hard for me to balance stewarding our money well, planning for the future (sometimes that’s just next week), and trusting God to provide what we need. It’s a journey for sure!
Wow LeeAnn! Seriously…Wow! I applaud you for admitting you have been relying on a credit card to make your budget work. I have been doing the exact same thing and justifying it by telling myself “it’s ok because I am using a 0% interest introductory offer.” I have never thought of it as using my own methods rather than trusting God to provide for my family’s needs. It sounds really scary to not be able to fall back on a credit card and actually take that leap of faith. But that is exactly what I need to do!
Yes, I’ve done the justifying game too. Our card is just 6% interest – a great rate really – but it still was my heart and my lack of trust that was the problem, not the interest rate. This may not be the path for everyone, but for me, it is definitely the step of faith I need to take right now!
Thank you LeeAnn for your honesty in sharing. My husband went through 3 years of unemployment between 2008-2011. I work for my Pastor and don’t make a whole lot of money. We have four kids. During that time, we lost our home to short-sale, had to sell a car, went to the food bank for food, sold gold jewelry to make ends meet. Oh I could tell you stories. We have credit cards, but the are maxed out and some months we can’t even make payments on what we have on there. Before his lay off, we too were using multiple credit cards just to survive. It’s amazing how they are add up. We have to pay everything with cash now, and honestly, I’ve been getting three cash advances each month just to get us through. My heart has been heavy with our financial situation, but we are leaning in and continuing to trust. He always gives us what we need. Sometimes it’s a juggle to find the answer. I applaud your decision to back away from the credit cards. May God continue to stretch and grow your faith and that of your husband’s in this season.
It’s those hard times that grow us the most, right Barbie? I’m so sorry things are so difficult for you and your family right now. When I reflect on where we could be, I am thankful for where we are and how God has guided us so far. Ann Voskamp has it right – gratitude is where it’s at! It’s about the only thing that can help us keep the right perspective through the tough times and continue to see God’s blessings through the challenges. Praying for provision for you and your family during this season!
Wow. You will be ok. How do I know? Because you and your husband communicate about the important stuff – even at midnight… because you are fully and faithfully trusting God… because you are honest with yourself and, amazingly, with us… because I’ll bet you have wonderful friends and family to lean on – Thank you for writing about this and sharing your story. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Hi Janet, thanks for stopping by the blog and for your encouragement. Yes, my husband is a pastoral life coach so we’re forever tweaking how we communicate one another after he has sessions with others who are experiencing challenges. It keeps us grateful for our relationship and reminds us of the constant work involved in keeping up good quality communication. He’s my faithful rock and you’re right, we do have wonderful friends and family surrounding us as well!
I have been focused on Proverbs 3:5-6 lately too. I keep repeating it day and night. I have struggled for years trying to figure out what I should do. This scripture says, instead, trust God to direct your paths. Sounds easy, but as you say in this post, it is not easy. It is easier to have a fall back plan, using our own thinking. I keep seeing references to this scripture, so I know God is talking to me through it. Thanks for hitting it home for me again. God is blessing us today through this scripture.
Hi Janet,
Isn’t it interesting how the same verses will show up again and again in our lives if it’s an area in which we need to grow? The same thing has happened to me with the verse in Psalms reminding us to be still and know that He is God. I finally made a post it note with the verse and put it on my computer screen so I can be reminded all day every day at work. Maybe eventually it will sink in! 🙂 So glad today’s post was a blessing to you.
Oh girl… I love this so! This honesty and call to trust Him – truly trust Him – with the daily things! (and the song… of course… because we both love to worship and my how this song just stirs that up and spills it out!)
We are a one income family and God and my Honey partner up in amazing ways and God is always faithful – even when it looks like that might come into question! We have lived this way… paycheck to paycheck, but always taken care of, for most of our marriage. We used our credit card for a trip last Fall… we have never really done that and had some in the budget to pay on it, but planned on using our tax return to pay off the rest. That was the plan… until life happened in other areas and here we are, nearly 9 months beyond our trip and we are still paying it down slowly but surely. The result has been no big vacations or travels this year… no far away conferences or big family vacay’s. We are staying closer to home this summer. Still – He is faithful and we are trusting Him in our finances, cutting out extra’s and getting back out of debt (and ignoring the temptations that can sound like reason – or even faith – to just go anyway!)
Standing with you, sister! Love that we are neighbors over at Jennifer’s and Holleys today!
Oh yes, this song has been on my heart constantly the last month or so. It’s the cry of my heart at the moment. And shouldn’t it always be?
And girl, I totally feel you with the temptations thing. Just TODAY (you know, after writing this post) I almost went to Dollar Tree for a new pair of sunglasses until I realized I didn’t have any cash and I don’t really NEED them (yet). My old pair is on it’s last leg, but they’re still functional and will probably continue to be for awhile, assuming my 2 year old doesn’t get ahold of them! 🙂
LeeAnn, I love your honesty in sharing your situations. Through the comments you see how it opens up the door for others to share too. Love that. Praying for you as you lean in and trust Him. God is already using your story to encourage others. Blessings. xoxo
Thank you so much Beth. I am grateful for your encouragement, as always! 🙂
LOVE your blog, Lee Ann! The roles are the same in our house – I am the saver and the one who handles all things finance related. I started using software called You Need a Budget over a year ago and it has worked wonders for keeping things on track. You assign every dollar a job and only spend money you already have. I wanted to share in case it could be helpful to you, too!! It costs $60 (at least it did when I bought it) but the investment has totally paid off. There is also a free trial on the website: httpss://www.youneedabudget.com/. I recommend it to everyone!
Thanks so much for the suggestion, I will have to check it out. Love that you’re reading and that you commented. I never know who out there is reading until I get comments or people tell me in person. Hope you guys are doing well!
“Trust me.” Its so easy for me to say to Jesus, to write about how I’m trusting Him, or even to tell others but another thing to actually do it! (I was having a similar conversation with Him last night about how things just don’t always add up and His quiet reminder to “trust me!”) I love your honesty and commitment to trusting Him, really trusting Him!
Absolutely! The “doing” is much harder than the writing or saying or thinking. But it’s helped me to “put it out there” so that I remember the why behind what I’m doing…trusting Him because it’s only Him who is trustworthy anyway! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us in this space where we’re all broken but part of God’s beautiful masterpiece.
Lee Ann, This post is a blessing and will touch so many. The number of people who struggle with handling the whole money issue is huge. And even if money isn’t the focus, we all have areas of life where we don’t want to completely trust. Beautiful reminder. Thank you!
Yes, I’d agree. We all have areas where we need to learn to trust Him more! Thank you so much for sharing.
You do not want to hear what I’d say at midnight. 🙂 This is convicting and I’m going over the times when I was leaning on my own intelligence instead of God’s blessings. Thank you for writing authentically so we, too, can make changes that will be more in line with God’s principles. ~Pamela