At midnight last night my husband Chuck quietly arrived in our bedroom after a long day of work. He scooped up our 5 year old, who had managed to snuggle up next to me close enough that I had just a sliver of our king sized bed to myself, and he deposited her back into her bed.

As usual, as he was getting ready for bed I asked about the highlights of his day because, let’s be honest, what else am I going to remember at midnight about his day? Midnight, especially for a pregnant momma just awoken from a deep sleep, is not the time to be having deep conversations.

Except that last night, we did.

In the middle of sharing his daily highlights, he remembered a text he got from me yesterday:

“Can we have another money conversation? I need some help talking out a mindset & cash flow change please.” 

So, at midnight last night Chuck and I had one of “those talks.” Dave Ramsey calls them “budget committee meetings” and I call them frustrating.

In our house, I’m the saver and Chuck’s the spender, meaning I do the budget and pay the bills and pay attention to all things money, then we talk once a month about how we’re doing. Except that lately, there’s not been much to talk about. It’s the same thing every month.

The budget doesn’t balance. We use the credit card to “float” gas, groceries, and other expenses not otherwise drafted from our account. We try to pay it off each month. And we pray God provides to cover the gap and any unexpected expenses.

Because it’s been like this for at least 18 months or longer, we don’t have much to talk about in our budget meetings. But around the 15th of the month (not coincidentally my payday) I at least am looking at the expenses and trying to figure out if we can pay what we charged on the credit card that month and whether or not by some miracle (literally) we are able to pay on the balance we’re still carrying from 2013.

This is why budget meetings frustrate me. It feels like we’re stuck. We have dreams of financial freedom & of opportunities to serve and bless others in big ways.

Chuck’s business is doing well, but at this point, it’s just paying for itself. I got a promotion and a raise at the beginning of the year, but it’s still not enough to make the budget balance. I even got a side job working as a virtual assistant at night a few hours a week and that has helped some. But in the end, the amount coming in doesn’t match the amount scheduled to come out. It’s a frustrating place to be.

So back to the mindset change I mentioned. For months and months our plan of action has been the same.

• Get paid.
• Tithe.
• Pay autodrafts with checking account.
• Use credit card to “float” other expenses.
• REPEAT.

Through it all, Chuck has challenged me to trust God on his promise to provide:

“My God will meet your every need out of his riches in the glory that is found in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Over and over again I have seen proof of God’s faithfulness. The stories of blessings we have received at just the right time are numerous. But through it all, my heart has not been quite right. Yes, I’ve grown in trusting God to provide for our needs, but in the back of my mind, there was always the “safety net” of the credit card, floating along our expenses for a few weeks until I got paid again. As a result, I’ve not been trusting Him fully. 

And so, our midnight talk last night involved me trying to explain the math to Chuck while laying in the bed instead of showing him on the computer (bad move on my part…he’s a visual guy) and then sharing my heart about needing to trust God fully…meaning no more credit card.

Dave Ramsey would be proud!

Practically, this will mean those expenses we put on the credit card for this past month won’t get paid and we’ll instead start only using my income for all expenses starting tomorrow.

No more floating. No more trusting in a piece of plastic instead of the God who created me. 

Instead, I will hold onto this:

Proverbs 3:5-6 (CEB)

God says he will provide for our needs and TELLS me not to use my own intelligence. The credit card? Yep, that’s using my own intelligence. 

Instead of spending my time using my own intelligence to try to “figure things out” with our budget, maybe I’d be more successful if I obeyed His word and instead trusted in HIM with all my heart.

This next month, I’ll be focusing on knowing Him in ALL my paths and trusting that the path before our family will be kept straight.

My job? Trust Him.

His job? Provide for our needs.

So here it goes. I’m jumping all in. No more credit card. No more relying on me.

As seems appropriate, I’m sharing this song for Worship Wednesday:

Lord, I Need You – written by Matt Maher and performed by Kristian Stanfill

If you’re reading in an email, click here to view the video. The 3 minutes you spend allowing this message to resonate in your heart will transform your day. Promise.

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You’re my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Sharing this post at Three Word Wednesday {Simply Beth}, Wedded Wednesday, Wholehearted Home, Coffee for Your Heart, #TellHisStory, Works for Me Wednesday, and Recommendation Saturday.

What about you? Are you struggling to trust God in all things like me?

Share in the comments so we can encourage one another or if you feel more comfortable, email me at contact(at)leeanngtaylor(dot)com. I’d love to hear your story and pray for you as we journey together in learning to trust God more.